I have loads of photos to illustrate this, but they've gone walkabout... Bear with for a month and they'll be up to help!
The station is located about an hour's walk out of the city centre. I would not recommend walking this journey with 25kgs of backpacks in 38 degrees and blazing sunshine, unless you are looking to rock the look of the lobster just pulled out of the boiling pan. If you do walk it, download the map when you have wifi at some point before you set off so you can check street names without using any data, otherwise you may follow my footsteps and get to know the other side of Chiang Mai very well... However you get there, get there in good time to collect your tickets from the hotel opposite the station and then head straight to the cafe just outside the station - they do a legendary banana split with comes with with toppings including happiness, dreams, and world peace.
Tickets can be purchased online - go for first class if you'd like some sleep and a guaranteed bed, it's really just pennies more than second and much nicer. I bought my first class ticket for 30GBP. Having said that, don't get your hopes up: it's backpacker luxury (there's linen and it's clean!), not normal person luxury (no miniature toiletries here, folks). You can just rock up and buy them on the day, but this route on the night train is seriously popular year round so if you have a deadline like a flight, book in advance. Third class is really good fun if you're in for a short commute because you'll meet loads of interesting people (or people who think you're weird as and it's funny to discuss that too), but I wouldn't recommend it for long haul or overnight trips. Ain't nobody got time to risk standing up for 14 hours.
This train is notorious for running late - I got lucky and arrived on time, but don't bank on it! If you are heading to Don Meuang airport on this route then note that the airport is actually the penultimate stop of the train route, just before it terminates in Hualampong station. I was planning to go all the way and was stressing about taxis back to the airport and traffic etc when I saw the sign for the airport run past the window. Cue the Tomato On Tour picking up all material possessions and bolting for the train door, only to realise with one foot out of the door that I had left my passport on the table! Jumping back onto the train involved collateral of accidentally body slamming an unsuspecting 7 year old boy who mercifully moved out of the way once I had grabbed my passport and swung out of the door as the whistle was blowing for the train to start moving again!
The ride itself is actually pretty gentle in first class. The gods of train cabins had smiled upon me and I had the entire set to myself which was b-e-a-utiful (not b-e-a-uterus - my iPad obviously had quite a different experience). The cabin set up goes like this: bottom bunk acts as bench with the top bunk as backrest until the porters come in to make up the beds for the evening from the pack of linen you have on your bench. The top bench is secured with chains and rods so it's nice and safe, and there is a luggage rack per bunk for your bags. Note: there are no lockers or safes on the train. If you're worried, I'd highly recommend investing in a PacSafe bag which are slash proof and pretty much everything proof portable safe which you can attach to a permanent pole in your cabin for ultimate security. In second class you usually get cabins of 4, first class it's cabins of 2. In second class the cabins might also be open plan (without a door) but first class always has a lockable door. In India I used to put my bag between me and the wall of my cot and snuggle the bag whilst I slept for security which was actually quite necessary! Thailand I didn't think it was actually necessary, but I'd still recommend it if you have the space in your bed. It's a poor replacement for the teddy, but we'll make do.
There are women only carriages, and they're great. I went mixed because I didn't feel the need for women only, but if you're anxious or it's your first overnighter then it's a good option to consider. When you book your tickets online you can put in your preferences for which bunk you'd like and what kind of carriage, so it's all very easy. If they can't fit you in the women's only carriage, they'll often put two solo female travellers together in a cabin so it's effectively the same.
Important: use the toilets immediately, and then restrict your liquid intake. Seriously, those things get real skanky real quick. You do get the choice between a squat and a sit though, so still pretty fancy on the spectrum.
Food and drinks are available on the train and you'll be handed menus in your bunk that you can choose from but you don't have to. Beware: at the start of the trip a lady comes around with a bottle of orange juice saying it's for you with your bunk and ticket, making you think it's free and easy. The next morning she'll come around demanding money for it. Don't accept the juice - it's pretty much radioactive and should have a "DO NOT INGEST" sticker on it anyway, and saves a lot of aggro in the morning.
If you get motion sickness, take some sleeping pills on top of your travel tablets. Being unconscious through it all is the best way to get around it - just make sure your alarm is set for a decent hour before your proposed stop time just in case you're on schedule, and make it super loud! This train is quite peaceful and I quite liked the gentle rocking, but in bad weather it can be less pleasant.
The train stops are often not announced. Make sure you have some idea of your scheduled arrival time and if possible download the stoping order so you can have an idea of where you are if you catch a sign.
All in all it's pretty simple, but I like to have an idea of what I'm heading into before I get there for these things! If I've missed anything let me know, I've probably got notes on it but just overlooked them.
Necessities:
Eye mask - bunk buddy might not have the same bedtime
Ear plugs - screaming children are basically the only thing you can be certain of on these trains
Travel tablets and sleeping pills - you won't make it down the corridor to the loos, take a hit and skip it all
Tickets - don't be that guy who tries to skip the fares, they do come round and check a few times and 30 quid for a long and pretty comfy ride is sweet
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